I got to do a real life experiment on parenting. I am so sorry that my kids had to live the effects of this. We have two older children (really adult kids) and two younger children. The younger kids are growing up in a very different household. It’s not just the obvious: we have more money now and less of the stresses that come along with those issues. The biggest difference is my mental health.

Sometimes I look back to when the older kids were young, and it feels like the four of us were growing up together. We were all figuring out life. I spent the majority of their young lives in school and working a lot of overtime. What I have now learned is that I was running away. I was avoiding. I simply could not cope with life.

Deep down, I thought I was a terrible mother. I was annoyed, I was quick to anger and yell. I really was never angry with them. I was angry with me and my whole life. I gave them a very active father in their lives. I made sure they got to get on and off the bus at home. There was always a family member (either dad or grandma, sometimes me) around. They were in activities, they had friends. I made sure they were safe.

I took for granted that I did not give them a fully present mother. We have had conversations about this in the present day and I am so sorry that I was not whole for them. They deserved better from me.

They see me as a mother to the younger kids. I still work and I am still busy, but I am not angry like I was. I am able to laugh, have fun, and just spend time with them. This is me breaking the generational curse. Having the hard conversations with the older kids is also breaking those curses.

This is why I created the Millennial Mom Mental Health Blog. I implore you to learn from my mistakes. Take this information to work on your own mental health. I hope you can see something in my writing that reminds you of someone you know and love to encourage them to seek help on their own life journey. After-all, healing happens in community. No one should be alone. It is a scary world out there. Our children need us to be whole, no matter how old they are.