The abuse already happened. There was already a victim and an abuser. That should be the end of it, right?

It is not so simple when this occurs inside of a family system, even if it was not inside of the nuclear system. Holidays are seen as a joyous time. This is not necessarily the case after an abuse has occurred, especially if the victim has to be around their abuser during this time. This could happen for any number of reasons. They never spoke up, they weren’t believed, etc. It really does not matter the reason. What matters is, there is a re-victimization that occurs here.

My intention here is not to put a damper on everyone’s holiday. It is simply to say that I know there are people out there that suffer during this time of year. I am here to say that I see you. It’s hard to explain this to your friends and co-workers. It is a hard time of year to navigate. There are many feelings and emotions to navigate. You may have spent your life making everyone else happy. In doing that, you have likely continued to make it worse for yourself. You are waiting to be seen and chosen. I see you. I choose you.

You can also choose yourself. This would not make you selfish. This would make you human. You have the ability to take control of your life.

To my friends who want to ask me about my holidays. I have started to take control. They are getting better, but they are terribly complex. They are wrapped in a lot of emotion. Year after year, I hope that it will be better. For now, I will continue to choose me. 

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy New Year.