I am still in 2023 and got back to work about the same time I got stabilized on some medications. The timing worked out great. I had also had time to find my new therapist. Things were looking much better. I was still running, but no longer crying on those runs.

Then family trouble started. This will not be addressed because it is not my story to tell, but we had a teenager that was going through a lot. It was frustrated because I was finally ready to heal. My healing took a quick back-burner to someone else. That is what we do as parents. My therapy sessions were now used to discuss active, acute situations.

This lasted for a while, but then the most stable thing in my life started to crumble: my marriage. This was too much. I was working, fighting for my life, fighting for my kids life, fighting for my marriage. Did I mention that I was training for a marathon in the name of mental health? Maybe I was running away. I always knew I was strong, but this was unbearable. The weight.

I told my therapist in October of 2024 that I would need to go away. I told her that I had thought about it at the beginning of COVID. I was feeling it again. I knew that the only was to truly get better, was to stop my life. I wasn’t suicidal so we decided that I didn’t need to go right away. I wanted to be home for the two older boys to come home for holidays. I also knew that my husband would need help while I was gone.

My therapist and I had to do some research. There are lots of places to go for mental help if you have alcohol abuse, substance abuse, or eating disorders. Do you know that there are not many options for just a primary diagnosis of Depression or Anxiety without substance somehow attached, unless you are suicidal? This was a time that I was so grateful to be in health care or I would have been completely lost in looking. Things are not as they seem. I was also lucky that my therapist put me in touch with someone.

I left on January 2. I joke and say that I lived in Orange County. I did, for like 29 or 30 days. I took off work almost a month before leaving because there was too much going on at home. During that month, I started my treatments. My motto was that I was open to anything and everything. I lived in a house in Orange County and was watched like a hawk, but it was great. I made life-long connections and progress.

From there, I went to Nashville for 4 weeks (making more life-long connections). More progress was made. I basically got to have 3-4 years of therapy condensed into 2 months. It was expensive, but it was so worth it. I learned and grew so much. I can look back at things with a different lens.

I am far from healed, but I am light years better than I have ever been in my entire life. I dare to say that for the first time ever, I have the ability to be: Happy. I am able to experience Joy. My kids are better for me being better. Our relationships are so much better. Everything hasn’t been perfect since I have been back, but things do not “blow-up” either. I made an investment in myself. You can never fail when you do that because you are always worth it. Your kids are worth it too.